🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|